Confessions: I Dropped my Cross, Again!!

I dropped my cross again,

this time I dropped it at the same place you warned me about,

I let pride take over Your will,

and the same thing You wanted out found its way in,

my heart,

suddenly I feel unloved by those close to me,

I keep telling myself “God still loves you”

but it’s people’s love that I’m truly seeking,

vanity,

to feel important for the work I put in,

my name praised by many lips,

and “atta-boy” is the phrase I want my ears to swim in,

stupid,

how did I get to stop seeking God?

how come a woman’s attitude is more important than the smile of God over me?

why does a man’s yes seem better than heaven clapping its hands for me?

I dropped my cross again,

at the very place the Lord told me to walk away from,

same mistakes, same consequences, same old me crying all over again,

I dropped my cross again,

only this time I’ll take my lesson quick,

I’ll stop trusting in myself and let the Lord take the wheel,

I’ll dethrone my pride and let Jesus be the King in this life He’s given me,

and maybe for the first time,

I’ll learn to truly say “I trust You God”

without me telling God “now this is how we do this God”

I’ll learn my lesson quick,

pick up my cross and carry it with me,

for it’s better to carry Christ, than the weight of the world over me,

I’d rather have Christ alone with me,

than to have everything else minus Christ, it’s a pity.

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